Fragment (consider revising)*

This turn-off statement that the MS grammar checker makes almost every time I finish typing a sentence is partially responsible for the recent lack of posts here at my blog, despite the many drafts I have jotted in the past month with no will to neither proof-reading them or to hit the publish button!

Why should I consider revising a perfectly sensible & meaningful long sentence that I wrote on MS Word? I barely put up with the constant nagging of MS Word with its grammatical mishaps detection & its unrelated spelling corrective suggestions, for I like to write in lengths as I ponder upon a subject, I like to dwell upon it & not merely write about it without confining myself with being concise!

Yet the issue lay deeper than the inability to write properly as I’ve been always criticized for my far fetched analogies, incomparable –you guessed it- comparisons & mostly flawed premises, but never did I gave into critics of such nature!

But ever since I started sharing my thoughts through online discussion forums – & more recently, my blog- I became more self-conscious of how I present the thoughts I bare.

For the most part, I do recognize that my head oozes with thoughts, ideas, insights, rants, observations & an opinion about almost everything that I come across, but then comes the road block of actually structuring it to a properly meaningful read!

I do usually start with jotting down a title that captures the genera of the thought in mind, a pointer if you like so I can materialize it into a publishable piece at a later stage, but then comes the dwelling part, at which point I face a multitude of obstacles, one of which is my linguistic fragmental deficiency, followed by the tendency to off-road beyond even the comprehension of myself.

Besides that, I do sense an underlying fear of how it’ll be read, how coherent & well-written it’ll be perceived, a possible theatrical fourth-wall anxiousness as it may be…

At one point, the throughput of thoughts just overwhelms my ability to compose them into words or even capturing them in the first place, its like thoughts are setting there, desperately circling inside my mind & as they eye an opportunity to be vented out (at times where I actually set down & write, talk or else) they come rushing over each other chaotically to a point of total stagnation!

It’s not a matter of lack of interest in my surrounding or the incidents I encounter; neither is it the case that I no longer spot the unusual in the midst of normalcy! It’s definitely none of that…

I like to think of it as such periods in one’s life when one become self-conscious about say his weight & contemplate the importance of exercising as his weight increases but never actually take the plunge & start, the impedance against starting grows by the day to the point of giving up on one’s self.

Similarly, a thought can be somewhat entertaining & catalyzing for a while in one’s mind on its own without it being communicated, but it’ll eventually –& gradually- fade to make space for fresher thoughts at the front of our mind! Unless it’s materialized its value will degrade into nonexistent…

Related post : Linguistic clumsiness!

* a possible copyright infringement; just in case, courtesy of MS & the novelty of using it as a title goes to my cousin Hamada.