Wondering Abdullah:

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Did I tell you about Adam?

Perhaps one of the most eccentric acquaintances I ever made with anyone was my omni encounter with a young Canadian guy named Adam, our mutual friend (Maher) introduced me to him when he came to reside in Jordan working as a pilot for a newly established charter airliner.

Beyond the hype that surrounded his death, the portraits in glossy English magazines & the instantaneous mourning of the circle of people he was surrounded with (with few exceptions of the sincere few), allow me tell the story of Adam, the one that my humble self was subtly part of, yet its profound effect upon me, still trickles down to the very essence of my consciousness!

The gathering took place at Adam’s home in late spring’04, it was a very interestingly located classic old-Ammani style house opposite the books@cafe, vividly over looking downtown, and because it was a purposely arranged gathering, there was an uncomfortable sense of what’s-next? to it at start, but the easy-going & engaging charisma of Adam overcame this stall.

Wanderer Adam was seeking answers or perhaps directions; he had far too many unanswered (or unsatisfyingly answered) questions about existence, life & so on, the typical set of things you’ll frequently dwell upon if you reflect upon yourself and the life you’re leading (or being dragged all along in it).

We conversed in a very relaxed manner, beyond any characteristics you may attribute to the fact that I’m an adherent of Islam & he was closer to agnosticism at the time.

The discussion was left with loose ends, no prevailing thoughts or opinions, just a civilized exchange of thoughts... EDITED*

Days went by, and I never heard of the guy again, until a couple of months later, when I called my friends back home around Eid-Al-Fitr time the following Ramadan of Autumn'04, when they informed me of his death, which happened when his airplane crashed during an air-show (I think it was a rehearsal) at Wadi Rum the first day of Eid…

That piece of news was momentous on its own, the inevitable reoccurrence of death never fails to overwhelmingly strike me even when I'm not acquainted with the deceased, but that was not the only piece of news I was told, my friends informed me that Adam embraced Islam during Ramadan… May Allah rest him in piece & have mercy upon us!

A Few days later, Maher called me and told me about the encounter he had with the Shiekh who led the funeral prayer at Ibad-Al-Rahman mosque in Sweifieh, who asked about the identity of the deceased, he was told it’s Adam, he was astonished & reiterated that this new convert joined him throughout Ramadan in Taraweeh prayers (the prolonged Ramadan-exclusive optional prayer after Isha)!

Please understand that I’m not trying to promote Islam here blunt manner, despite the fact that the story itself is profoundly influential, yet if one can contemplate the human story line, in which a guy from a distant land, travels halfway across the world to a tiny foreign land, whilst having lived the bulk of his life either adhering to a certain axiom or wondering (for the most part) about his existence & the truth beyond matter & sincerely attempting to give meaning to his livelihood!

And then, far away from where he considered home, he acquaints himself with a new religion, a way of life or a philosophy (whatever floats your boat; “open-minded” claimants) and he embraces & practices it for the rest of the few days remaining in his life!

It was an undisputed manifestation of the prophet Moh’d -pbuh- hadith:

إن أحدكم يُجمع خلقُه في بطن أمه أربعين يوماً نطفة، ثم يكون علقة مثل ذلك، ثم يكون مضغة مثل ذلك، ثم يرسل إليه الملك فينفخ فيه الروح، ويؤمر بأربع كلمات: بكتب رزقه، وأجله، وعمله، وشقي أم سعيد، فو الذي لا إله غيره! إن أحدكم ليعمل بعمل أهل الجنة حتى ما يكون بينه وبينها إلا ذراع، فيسبقُ عليه الكتاب فيعمل بعمل أهل النار فيدخلها، وإن أحدكم ليعمل بعمل أهل النار حتى ما يكون بينه وبينها إلا ذراع فيسبق عليه الكتاب فيعمل بعمل أهل الجنة فيدخلها

Call me mystically emotional, but I shiver when I think of Adam & this hadith at the same time.

I’m not sure if his parents knew of the conviction he carried with him to the afterlife... EDITED*in order to bury him at a Moslem cemetery observing the Islamic rituals as he would’ve deserved after his body was sent back to Canada.

At any measure, this was not the average numb existence of your average person! This was not onw of your average hyped up converts stories that are usually told rhetorically! It was simply the story of Adam… and from my humble perspective, it was The story of Adam: the one day friend, the one month Moslem and the martyr. نحسبه عند الله كذلك

* EDITED : Edited on the 10th of June upon the suggestion of reader Lamer, thank you.

The man-made maid dilemma

Following the topic led by a number of entries about the maids (domestic workers, huh?) in Jordan, methinks that being sympathetic towards those we hire to work for us in our homes is rather a flawed approach to a circumstantially unique issue; what’s needed is a degree of empathy, beside the social aspect of the issue!

In my case, our house back home is rather large, and I must confess we had two maids at one point, all of my 2 married sisters & sister in-law have maids too, though their household is comprised of their non-working selves, their husbands & 1 to 2 loud & demanding kids living in a 200sqm apartment (at best)! A typical well-off family setup, my fiancée’s sister also has a similar situation!

Being sick-off & fundamentally opposed to the excessive dependency on maids, I started the discussion with my fiancée at an early stage to establish a provisional agreement upon which I can keep poking her with once we’re married! Perhaps not; but I’ll use it to negotiate my way out of it when I’m cornered with the possible demand of hiring a maid…

The thrust of my premise & opposition stems from the fact that the size of the household of my sisters does not require the hiring of a live-in maid, neither their age or their health condition, as a matter of fact, the maids they hire are either their age or older, probably has left behind kids of the age of my nephews & nieces… at best, a per-hour hiring of a maid ONCE needed seems more sensible!

The problem with such proposition is that you get instantaneously hit with the heavy brick of “If you think it’s THAT easy, why don’t you do it for yourself?”, and to my "feminist" naysayer readers; I plead for a hint of a benefit of doubt here…

The other premise I argue my case with is the fact that when a maid is available –typically- 16 hours a day increases our dependency upon her service, intriguing laziness, and lack of intuition in house-keeping and swarms of other deficiencies, not to mention the cultural, linguistic & general negative influence over the kids & the household in general!

No I’m not xenophobic-ally worried that my kids will be deluded & start carrying a cross or worshiping Jesus –peace & blessing upon him- or rub a deformed golden elephant statue every morning for luck! Rather, I’m worried that my kids would fall into the comfortable feelings of superiority over a consistent observation of maids coming from certain backgrounds, among other issues...

It took me a 4-year solo stretch living on my own & 6 month washing dishes at a restaurant while studying abroad to appreciate & understand the very household demanding necessities that I’ve took for granted the whole of my life! statements like “Leave the dishes, SHE will take care of them”, “Never mind the untidy living room, SHE went out to walk the dog & SHE’ll tide it up once SHE’s back” or “Oh, I’m late to work, never mind turning the bed, SHE’ll take care of it” creeps a fit into my knick.

And my closing paradigm is rather economical, as I don’t understand how a country with a per capita GDP as low as $4k is capable of paying (on average) $120 monthly for over 50 something thousand maids coming from a country –Philippines- with a higher per capita GDP (ok, slightly higher)! Probably the math works out the same way we ended up with 10 H2 Hummer vehicles for every 1000sqm of Amman costing JD14 to travel for 100km distance (the per litter cost for premium unleaded is JD0.6 & the H2 mileage is 22litters per 100km, fire-up Google & get your calc. out if you find me unworthy of your trust)

On a lighter note, I utterly demise the hierarchy of the hiring process which is based on prestige in essence (and hence the pay they get): Who decided that the Iraqi widowed maid is better than the dark-skinned young woman from Ghour? Who decided that an Indonesian maid is better than the Iraqi widow? Who decided that Chandra & her sisters are better than their Indonesian counterparts? Flippin heck… who decided that their Filipino counterparts are more hardworking & prestigious?

Oh, with the hurl of exceptions of Moslem Filipinos who are mostly dump & will probably churn at an early point, along with the niche Egyptian couple (a guard & his wife) being a spot-on preference of differentiation! That’s infuriating& out-righting pathetic…

Now, despite a (believe it or not understandingly) probable disposition with regard my humble self being not so feminine-friendly, yet I’m still a firm believer in the distribution of roles between the –equal in rights- men & women of society, where in the majority of typical families, the man is a provider while the woman is a sustainer, the man provides a living to the family, while the woman makes this living possible!

Why should a woman leave her home and kids to work in order to afford a maid that will fill in for her where she is mostly needed? I’d like to emphasize on the use of the term “needed” as opposed to being obliged or required to; for this distribution of roles stems from an intrinsic (and I sincerely believe: instinctual) understanding of the capacity of being a wife & a mother!

Why should the whole family suddenly become so dependent on the service offered by the maid or even the –mostly- helpless housewife or the dozen of sisters, while each and every member of the household should take care of his or her bit and contribute towards the general welfare of it!

Obviously, I understand the need of a maid for a larger households, like having a 400+ sqm home, with half dozen or more kids, I can understand the need for a maid with an elderly living alone, I understand the need of a helping hand with a young woman whose either pregnant or recently gave birth, so on & so forth…

FAST FORWARD >>

So you hired a maid, huh? Obviously you shouldn’t treat them as slaves, common sense one might think, yet a good chunk of our oblivious society take such things for granted & end up treating their maids as such!

All that’s needed is a principle understanding of the contractual obligation between both parties, you hire a woman regardless of the circumstances that led her to taking such job, you pay her fairly, give her the agreed upon leaves (be it the weekly, monthly or bi-annually) & don’t force her to work over hours.

Along with the essential good manners & no-brainers tactfulness of recognizing that she also may suffer from a crippling fatigue after a Jordanian family feast or gathering even if she was being paid to do the job she’s doing at such occassion(s).

On the other hand, the maid should understand that she’s not being done a favor or being subject to a charity pay camouflaged in a form being paid for a job! it might not be the best job in the world, but it’s her reality; a cumbersome job that provides the money needed to support the very family she left behind.

Now this was strictly business talk, and that’s too crude and does not address the uniqueness & intimacy (in the family sense of it) of the situation, therefore the family who decide to hire a maid should acknowledge the fact that the woman they hired did actually leave her house to serve in another thousand of miles away…

No, that doesn’t mean to be arrogantly be sympathetic or pampering her with insincerety, it means that the environment where she works at should be capacitating:

Ideally, it should feel like her second home, for her to feel considered as part of the family (for she is), as she wakes up wit them, live with them, eat with them (yes on the same table & at the same time while the food is hot) & essentially being allocated a decent & acceptable place to sleep (the washing machine room is not a sleeping quarter) while she carry out her due diligence!

All that is needed is a level of empathy (I can’t emphasize more on the essential difference between it & sympathy) and understanding! Rubbing a JD10 note in her face on Christmas or Krishna’s anniversary wouldn’t cut it as being nice! It’s the general attitude & overall good-mannered treatment that counts and should be widely recognized as important.

Finally, if you’re a non-working elitist mother who's out'n'about doing her nails at Perfect-nail (they should start paying me for over mentioning them) or the hair at TONY&GUY while the entourage of specialty maids are taking care of the dog, the kids & the house… (respectively) I'm inclined to speak of your likes viciously, yet the more articulate & well-spoken “foreigner” among us had it better...